Maybe
by Medicus Serpentis
Summary: A golden drink and a depressing song is all what Booster got. no DCnU! -re-upload! Now with G-rated summary!-


It was maybe a quarter past one in the morning. Maybe because time doesn't matter very much if you are a Time Master.

Time Master... eh, what a stupid name for a stupid job. „Save the history." „Save the Timestream.". Yeah, it sounds good but it wasn't. It means hooping all over the history, saving people that should matter and people which they say that they matter. It means a lot of headache and a lot of stress. It means having no grip of personal time anymore. Ones birthday may have a date but the days until that aren't 365 days anymore. And days tend to have more hours than 24.

Booster Gold had no idea how old he was anymore.

So he declared this day his birthday. Happy-_fucking_-Birthday, Michael... Really, he just wanted a drink and forget for a while about this whole Time-Master-mess.

He is a Time Master, he is a hero, he saved the Multiverse, he saved the Timestream, he saved people, lots of them.

He couldn't save his sister. He couldn't save his best friend. What use was it to be a hero if you can't save the few people you really want to save, who really matter to you?

And so, here he was, sitting in a little bar at sometimes-after-one-o-clock who-knows-where and staring in his drink. The golden fluid in his glass stared back.

_You saw her standing at the gateway  
with her hands in the clouds  
But the higher she is moving  
the more it gets you down_

There was music in this bar, an old song from an old band he never heard of. But he knows it was the band which had this song about a lemon tree. Yeah, life had given him more than enough lemons without the lemonade-option. Or tequila. He really needed a tequila... but he had this stupid golden stuff before him. It was okay, somehow he didn't think it was really time for tequila. This golden stuff would do.

The music was soft. A soft piano-sound, notes like raindrops in the air. And the voice was soft too, had something melancholic in it. Something that mirrored Boosters feeling a little bit. Maybe a little bit to much.

_And she's waiting in the afterglow  
With her eyes somewhere else  
It's like she says:  
"Don't let it worry you"_

Somehow this song reminded him of Ted. Blue Beetle, Ted Kord. His best friend. His best death friend.

**When you think of me, remember to smile.**

He tried. He really did. He accepted his death. He smiled when he thought of him. But somehow the smile felt wrong. Somehow he felt just as hollow as before.

He took a swing form his drink. A sharp, burning feeling settles in his throat. The tears in his eyes came from this stringing feeling, from this almost-like-pain-feeling. Not from anything other. He had cried over other things before, he couldn't possibly have any tears left for that.

_Was it just a warning  
Someday you might awake  
And maybe all inside of you  
is not enough for what you take_

Sometimes he though about what could have been. What if he had listen better in his history-classes? What if he had been a bit faster, a bit better in shape, a bit less hurt to help Ted? What if he just had killed Max Lord at some point before?

What if he had been a better hero?

_Was it just a warning  
Someday you might awake  
And maybe all inside of you,  
maybe you'll fail_

Somehow this was like it always ended. People die. His mum. His sister. Friends. Ted. Skeets. Had he pissed of some voodoo-lady which cursed him with some sort of a "you'll bring death and despair over people near you"-mojo?

He tried so hart, so many times. But after all is said and done there only remains one fact, one word. A word Michael Carter knows to much and Booster Gold had faced so many times also: Failure. He failed. He failed so many times.

Was is meant to be like this? Was he meant to be a failure? Are this his sins for which he suffered? Or does the universe just likes to fuck with him?

Maybe.. is it about his father? This man who ruined his first live, who ruined his second also? Does Booster suffer for the sins of his father? Or isn't there any sin to suffer for? Is there no meaning in this all? No meaning in the death of so many people so dear to him?

_Somewhere out where you are standing still  
and shovel dust in the wind  
Someone told you'd  
better wait until the rain will begin_

There was just Rip Hunter and Booster doesn't know if he is a good guy or a jerk. Sometimes Booster just wanted to punch him, sometimes he felt as if Rip is all he has now. He gave Booster a bit of hope, a tiny shimmer of a maybe, maybe you could do something right.

But this maybe stayed a maybe. And eventually it became a never. Never was there a chance. Never was there hope. Just never.

_Maybe it's time for reflections  
and the night endless long gives  
you chance enough  
to make believe it's going on_

He accepted this. He had to. It was hard but he managed it. There was no chance. There was no hope.

But sometimes... sometimes he wanted to believe that there is still a chance. Something somebody had overlooked. Something, anything that could be a way to make things right.

And he starred in this glass, in his refection in his golden drink. And for a while he could tell himself that he IS Booster Gold, the Time Master, the Golden Hero. Fuck history and fuck solided time, fuck it all, he could do the impossible!

Because... if Ted, a mere human from the 20th century could cheat death and bring Booster back from his fate, he, Booster Gold, Time Master, could do the same for his best friend.

_Was it just a warning  
Someday you might awake  
Maybe all inside of you  
is not enough for what you take_

The song came to its end. Strings played stronger, the sound of a piano vibrated in the air. The singing voice proclaimed his words a bit stronger, as if they mattered the world to him. There was a sadness in the air, something sweet and bitter and a bit of longing for something that he could never have. Booster felt it, felt the sweetness and bitterness and this little bit of longing. And there was something wet on his cheeks.

Booster swept hot water from his face and emptied his drink. Gone was his golden reflection. Gone was the illusion of him as the Golden Hero.

_Was it just a warning  
Someday you might awake  
And maybe all inside of you,  
maybe you'll fail_

**You are Booster Gold. You became a hero to help people. You ARE a hero. And that is more than enough.**

The music was gone. His reflection was gone. His illusion was gone. But maybe, just maybe, he was still this hero. And as a hero... he saves people. And maybe he would find a way. Maybe he would still rescue Ted. Maybe he could still do it.

Booster paid for his drink and left the little bar. He would life for his best friend. He would always remember him. And he would always look out for this little maybe. For a little chance. For a way to be the Golden Hero he always wanted to be. The only way it would matter to him.

_A/N: It's back! Yes, this story was banished... because it hadn't a G-reated Summary... (Is the word "bitch" THIS terrible? English is not my first language, but cut me some slack! This story was on over a year without anybody complaining! A simple warning would have been nice.) Well, what was done was done and so here it is again. With T-rating because I'm paranoid. But whoever reported this: PLEASE just send me a massage next time, okay? I'm all in for talk about issues especially when it's language-related and willing to change stuff. _

_Thanks to all reviewers and readers of this story.  
_

_M.S.  
_


End file.
